Oops. It's been awhile since I posted last. Sorry.

Here I am, at work, waiting for cds to burn and wondering what else to do with my time. Not that I'm complaining; easy days are a blessing from God. Plus it's Friday, which just makes everything shine a little brighter. I don't like being forced to live for weekends; but when nearly every waking hour during the week is devoted to things I have to do, it's such a relief to escape responsibility for a couple days. Unfortunately, I usually have things I have to do over the weekend too. *sigh* Just can't win. Oh well... something is better than nothing, I guess.

Being opinionated is no easy burden to bear. I have so many things I could say and don't. Sometimes it's because I know I'm emotion-driven, and that clouds my judgment on certain matters. Sometimes I know that what I could say is the truth, but the person I want to say it to just isn't ready to hear the truth. That one's really hard. And sometimes I just want to blow off some steam, and I know I have a gift for driving the knife (or knives) straight through the heart. Man, that would come in handy. But I can't use it; not only is it usually more destructive than helpful, but it also doesn't lead to the desired results. Either I end up hurting the person bigtime, or they aren't ready to hear it so they just get mad. Either way, I lose friends; and I have so few to begin with that I can't take the risk.

There has to be some way to relieve the pressure. Blogging helps. I have to be opinionated somewhere; I suppose it might as well happen online, where my poor readers haven't a chance at fighting back. That's rather cowardly, though. There must be a better way to express my ideas without exposing myself to pointless debate.

 
Well, my counter is working now, although not as I would like it to. I'll worry about that later.

Just finished watching the movie Shine. Now the musician in me is stirring after a long sleep. I really do miss playing piano and trumpet, being on stage for concerts, being part of that world. I wasn't really made for it though. Stage fright and I are well acquainted. Still, there was something so exhilarating about getting up there, momentarily conquering my fear, and displaying emotion freely where everyone could see it and not think I'm just weird. I don't know that I'd ever go back; but I definitely miss the experience.

It occurs to me that a lot of that emotion went dormant when I quit playing. As I got older, I had to hide more of it, and used fewer creative outlets; so I don't know if it's still there or if it just died. Not sure if I want to open Pandora's box just yet. It's tempting, though.