The following is a product of isolation combined with indigestion. I sincerely apologize for giving in to such mush.

What's going on here? What kind of practical joke is this? The greatest desire of my heart is the one farthest out of my reach. I want my soulmate, and I want him NOW. I've waited forever, my heart is going to give up any second, I don't want to die emotionally. WHERE ARE YOU??? I need you... pull me out of this mindless half-existence, give my heart a reason to keep on fighting. Am I to go on for the rest of my life like this? Something's missing, it has to be you. Where are you? Did someone else find you first? What if I missed my chance? Easy to do you know, especially for me... I always do that, but it's not like I mean to, I'm just scared. But if it's really you, then you'll know that and draw me out anyway. Right? Surely life couldn't be so cruel as to leave me in a catch-22. No... or could it?

"And I'm so lonely I don't even wanna be with myself, anymore..."

 
Please, people, if I'm continuously crabby on here, someone remind me to take a break. Venting is ok now and then, but I don't want to always be down-in-the-mouth.

So! On a cheerful note, I had lunch with a friend this morning and am looking forward to an evening of who knows what. The best evenings are those into which I waltz carefree, with no plan whatsoever. I'm bored to death right now, and it's a Monday; but I choose to blissfully ignore those facts and busy my mind with happy thoughts. What a pity I don't get to fly away on them. You know, I'm starting to think Peter Pan must have been written by a bored businessman who used his imagination to while away the tedious work hours. I can easily relate to his longing to be somewhere else.

Chat is going well. I'm back to hosting, and loving it of course. To this day I don't understand exactly what it is that draws me so strongly to hosting. Oh well... I guess not everything wonderful has to be explainable.

My mind is beginning to dry up. Perhaps I'll post later. Or perhaps not. Who knows? The evening's open, and I'm looking forward to it. Maybe I'll even go to bed early.

 
Long delay. Sorry about that guys, I needed a break.

Time to change the style of this place a little. I'll mess with templates later; the real change will be in my tone. Time to be more... oh, I don't know... real. Which means my tone will probably change slightly every time I post. But that's alright.

What a mess. I'm at the point of really hating what I've become. Something went wrong somewhere, and I'm stuck at the end of a dead end road... parked right next to the orange-and-white barrier and associated dumpster. To continue further, I will have to either retreat along the road that led me here, or plow new furrows in the fields ahead. Despite my fears, the second option sounds like it would lead to a better end. I don't have the tools yet, though... I'm not properly equipped for rugged terrain. How do I go about remedying the situation?